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postcards from the celebrity world's most fashionable pets British bulldog Coco, named after Coco Chanel, was Victoria's Christmas present to David in 2009.
Two years later she was joined by French bulldog Scarlet. They have now moved to London from LA with the family Victoria Beckham's bulldog Coco 'Wheeze, puff, snort. I miss LA, what is a pandora bracelet the sun and the stars. The journey here was hell. I had to fly commercial and planes make me wheeze, even in first class. My ticket was apparently 2,500, which is more than the 2,000 I cost as a puppy. I know I'm a British bulldog, but the weather here is frightful. Stop! as Victoria sometimes sings to me. Wet, wet, wet: it never rains in California but these puddly pavements here are hell for my pawdicure. Victoria paints my nails pink very Hollywood, but frankly it doesn't translate to Battersea Park. That's the nearest park to Victoria's atelier in the Battersea Creative District; she's converted the old Spar opposite the council estate, how grunge is that? cheap pandora bracelets sale But now I never meet the same class of dog. Not one has a personal groomer standard issue in LA and they woof at my accent. So rude, I'm only growling, 'Have a nice day.' I used to get Victoria to post pictures of me California dreamin', but ones of me waddling by the grey, greasy Thames? I don't think so. My hips aren't what they used to be and the damp doesn't help. Gimme sunshine! When I get homesick I put on my custom made LA Lakers kit and remember playing by the swimming pool not many of those in our new Notting Hill gaff, which so isn't Beverly Hills. Scarlet seems to like it, little frou frou airhead. I never got the need for a French bulldog, it must have been part of that Paris Saint Germain madness. She's nice enough, but not a sensitive soul like me. Still, I'm doggedly loyal to David just don't let any mutt call me Victoria's bit of ruff.' 'Oh, my fur and whiskers, it was horrible! I went with Cara to a very important meeting at designer handbag heaven Mulberry (you can see my selfie sitting inside the bag designed by Cara) and I was lolloping about the Kensington office because meetings are bor ring when I spied a bunny hole. So I popped down but it was all dark and scary, not like Wonderland at all, and then I got stuck under the floorboards until some burly maintenance men lifted them to rescue me from what was actually an air conditioning pipe. I was hopping mad to hear one of them say it was a ridiculous fuss for a rabbit and they were only doing it because, if I died, it would make the office pong. Cara fed me some reviving celery from her Bloody Mary to get over the trauma. Twenty two thousand people liked the video of me eating celery so much more sophisticated than lettuce but then I am a very refined rabbit. Inferior bunnies might fancy a bed of hay, but my bed of roses is a Chanel box (36,000 likes for the snap of me on top of it with a camellia behind my ear not that I'm boasting). Although I am now fashion's first rabbit since Katie Grand's Clara went to the Watership Down in the sky last month, I lead a simple life at home in Belgravia. We live with Cara's parents, Charles and Pandora, which is a much more 'real' and 'grounded' lifestyle than that of Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld's cat. I've met Choupette complete nightmare, so affected she even has her own maids. She emailed me from her iPad riddles jewelry to invite me to her book launch and to inform me she's working on a make up line. Well, two can play at that game: I posted a picture of myself rabbiting on Cara's computer. My maids are my aunties Poppy Delevingne and Rita Ora. We're all very excited that Cara is the new face and body of Tom Ford's Black Orchid scent. I definitely detected top notes of carrot. And Cara may film Zoolander 2. Zoo, eh? There must be a role for me. Chomp on that, Choupette.' Bart is a fluffy grey Persian who shares the US Vogue creative director's Manhattan apartment, along with her other cat, Pumpkin. Bart has been filmed supervising Grace making pommes dauphinoise and features in her memoirs 'If there was a couture catfight between Grace and Anna Wintour, I'd know about it. Although I'd sooner eat goldfish for breakfast than tell. Grace confides in me and she hates people pussyfooting around suggesting there's some ongoing feud with Nuclear Wintour. Grace has been with Anna at US Vogue since 1988; that's 26 years surely nine lives. She'd hardly have stuck it out if they fought tooth and claw, would she? Anna's no pussycat I'm cool pandora charms not frightened of her, but a cat may look at a queen and as Grace says, 'I have a different way of saying no.' Anna is hard, Grace is soft, but she strokes Anna's fur the right way. I think it's because Anna's competitive individualism is a cat like quality, though Grace's belief that hierarchy isn't important does not toe the (fe)line. My hair stands on end when I hear fashionistas rave about the Balenciaga totes being Pumpkin inspired. I'm top cat; Pumpkin's just a furball. It is I that Arthur Elgort photographed on a Chanel throw, and on a Louis Vuitton blanket and in Grace's arms. Perhaps her friend Nicolas Ghesquire could take a moment out of his busy schedule for Louis Vuitton to design me some cat's pyjamas? He's already designed cat cushions for her sofa. I sometimes hide among them and people can't tell if it's me or a cushion. Not that I want to be sat on, of course, but it's quite a test for the personal assistants. Grace doesn't care if they have degrees or wear Prada (a touchy subject around Anna), but when she interviews them she always asks, 'Do you like cats?' Wrong answer and they're shown the catflap.' Ava not to be confused with Cavalli's wife Eva is a blue and yellow macaw who lives with the designer and his Bengal cats and poodles at Il Poggio, a 14th century Tuscan villa 'Long John Silver has a lot to answer for. "Pieces of eight?" That's what Justin Bieber expected me to say when we were on Roberto's yacht in Cannes. I don't think so. Who's a pretty silly boy then? These film fest celebs flit on to our yacht for a party and rub my feathers up the wrong way. Sharon Stone? Knickers to her. John Travolta? He was off like greased lightning when I bit him. And Heidi Klum didn't appreciate that I am Roberto's avian inspiration, his A/W 2010 collection was a riot of parrots adorning silken tunics. Bellissima. I'm no bird brain: I come from South America, so I squawk Portuguese, and Italian, because we live in Florence, but being so cosmopolitan, I tweet in Engleesh. I'm a very grand parrot. I have a gold bird stand in the dining room and when I call Roberto! Roberto! he comes running. I have him under my claw cooing, I love you, I love you! Then he kisses my beak. He thinks my beak is the same shape as his nose; he might say that, but I couldn't possibly comment. Sometimes we make signature Cavalli cocktails. He has his own brand of vodka in a frosted bottle entwined with a snake nasty, I remember them from the Amazon. The Russians love it, but I only have a nip as I don't want to fall off my perch. Roberto's kitchen is psittacines (that's posh for parrot) sensational, full of all my favourite things: fruit, seeds, avocados. I sit on the back of a chair, crack nuts and spit the shells at the cats. I've inspired parrot cushions and print dresses, so much more chic than the doggie velour tracksuits and satin trimmed robes for Roberto Cavalli Pets. Next: Cavalli wine labels. He's already done cheetah, zebra and butterfly designs. Parrot would be really intoxicating.' Dolly has been with Edie since the model was four. She's part of the family and was included in a photo shoot for Lanvin, along with Edie's grandparents, parents, sister Olympia, brother Arthur and boyfriend Otis Ferry 'I was hacked off when Edie rode a borrowed (borrowed!) racehorse to win the Magnolia Cup at Goodwood this year as I could have got up close to Tom Cruise. That would have tickled my fetlocks. He won a Golden Globe for his role in Magnolia: not many horses know that, so it should have been me, me, me! I really felt put out to grass. I know all about Edie, I've been with her through the youthquake shoot by Testino for Vogue (she was a coltish 15 year old with braces), her pink hair, her black hair, the robot bob, her First in art history at the Courtauld (that was very stressy for us both, so I took her for lots of long rides in the country). I approve of Otis; he's joint master of the South Shropshire Hunt, so he makes horse sense. Edie's a good outdoor girl that's what Burberry's Christopher Bailey meant when he called her the 'quintessential English rose.' I am her muse. I, too, love being photographed; it's great horsing around on a shoot. Edie confided to US Vogue that I am 'basically a model', so I could have done without the photographer's assistant following me around with a spade. Who do they think I am? I know the best side of the white blaze on my nose, so I'm always ready for my close up. It was me who advised Edie to wear a gee gee string when she appeared in Marc Jacobs' last show for Louis Vuitton in nothing but body paint and a plumed headdress; I had nagging doubts about that headdress, it sounded a bit circus pony to me. But now Edie's gone and bought another horse, a loathsome head tosser who's really got the bit between his teeth to be her best friend. He's called Armani, which is so sucky uppy. I mean, she's modelled for Balenciaga, Chanel, Givenchy and Christian Dior and opened for Saint Laurent and Alexander McQueen at Paris Fashion Week I hope she's not going to have horses named after every designer because where would that leave me? Unless Dolly Parton launches a clothes line.' Click the Adblock/Adblock Plus icon, which is to the right of your address bar.
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